These Phrases shared by A Father Which Helped Me as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."